24 November 2010

Come Hither


Artwork: boy3 - Audrey Kawasaki, 2009

come to me
my sweet thing
and stand
at my
side:
my consort,
beloved,
thou whose
name
art etched
in my
heart,
my soul.

let my
hands
glide over
your
smooth
flesh,
let me
stain
your pale
cheeks
with the
blush,
the wonted
crimson
of
desire.

i will
murmur
promises,
vows
i intend
to keep,
to keep
you by
my
side
forever,
for always.

and you,
my sweet,
my darling,
shall never
yearn for
another
for i
can
i will
give you
everything
your heart
yearns
for...

...only
give your
sweet,
precious
innocence
to
me.

17 November 2010

Weep Not for All is Not Lost


Artwork: Hibiscus - Marco Mazzoni, 2010

i live
i breathe
i know
with every
fiber
of my
being:

i am
blessed;
love abounds
and then
some,

i am
proud
of the
work
my two
hands
can do,
have done,
will do

i am
happy
that i
am not
at the
losing
end
of life's
overflowing,
bursting
at the
seams
cornucopia
of delights,
of dreams.

i know
deep
within me
that - yes
that - soon
that - indeed
regardless
of the
braying of
fanatics,
groupies,

of
hypocrites,
of women
turned crone
before their
time:

i am
right.


03 November 2010

Firelight


Photo taken on 31st October 2010

the nights grow longer,
the cold grows stronger,
and i seem
to have lost
my way.

but my
heart,
my
mind,
my
soul -
they burn
with
fervor,
with
passion,
with that
fever of
yearning so
strong.

just when
i think
i need
to grope,
stumble blind,
feel my way
through
the endless
darkness
i see
a pinpoint,
a flash,
a faint
but present
flicker
of flame

and i walk
without
fear
for i know
deep
within
what i
feel,
what i
know
is true,
all true,
is you.

05 October 2010

Conquest Most Sweet


Artwork: Dominion - Natalie Shau, 2009

come hither
beloved
and let
me
kiss
you:

lose yourself
in the
sweetness,
the warmth,
the
overwhelming
softness
of flesh,
of love,
of lust
unbridled

unleash
yourself
from the
fetters,
the rusting
shackles
of prudery,
of ignorance,
of innocence
unwarranted...

free
yourself
from your
inhibitions
and bind
yourself
to
me.


01 October 2010

Vanity of Vanities, All is Vanity


Artwork: Vanitas - Natalie Shau, year unknown

remember:
you are dust
to dust you
will return.

you resort
to the
paint-pot,
the surgeon,
the mask
to hide
your
uglinesses

it does not
change
a
thing:

you're hideous:
rotting flesh
stinking,
reeking
beneath rich
perfumes,
salves,
unguents.

your heart
is rotten,
your soul
is black,
your mind
filled
with the
maggots,
the vermin
of slander,
of envy,
of greed,
of lust,
of hate.

how i
wish:
someone
would strip
you
of your
pretensions,
your follies,
your lies,
your false -
blatantly fake -
pieties,
your power-plays
your pitiful
mockable
mockeries...

...and
show
that you
are little
more
than the
devil's
precious
little
whore.

28 September 2010

Siren-Song


Artwork: Blue Mermaid - Yoshimasa Tsuchiya, 2009

i love you
beyond doubt,
beyond pain,
beyond pleasure,
beyond joy,
beyond grief...

more than magic,
more than power,
more than substance,
more than even
life itself...

i lure you
to my
side,
i beckon you
to heed
this call,
this song,
this ode
to love
and longing
and passion
and life...

for
i love you
more than the sweet,
more than the bitter,
more than the sane,
more than the mad,
more than life,
more than death
and possibly
beyond.

21 September 2010

Anger


Artwork: As She Began to Fade Away - Chad Merritt, 2010

i feel the
pain:
the rage
threatening,
roaring,
trying
to break out
like wings
through my
shoulders.

i am bowed,
and cowed,
and rendered
mute
and scarlet-
faced
by the
things
i cannot,
could not,
would not,
should not
say
lest i
kill with
a word.

i want
to lash out
to bash up
to mash up
to crush,
crunch,
cripple,
maim;

to rip out
slanderous
tongues,
to pop out
lying
eyes

for every
wrong
inflicted
upon my
heart,
upon my
soul,
upon my
flesh:

thrice
is the
price,
the
ransom
i name,
i seek,
i demand.

15 September 2010

Nine Days


Artwork: While You're Sleeping - Audrey Kawasaki, 2009

the clock
ticks:

minutes pass,
seconds
of life
fluttering,
flitting
by.

i sit in
the darkness
and wait
even
as the
pain
cripples me
more than
i care
to admit.

the fear
breaks me
but i
try
not to
let it
show.

i think
of you
and think
too hard
and worry
myself
sick
and worn
and ragged.

and i
wait
still;
nine days
ere
my year
turns

and i
weep
and i sigh
and i
worry
myself
to
shreds.

14 September 2010

Be Not Proud, My Foes


Artwork: Butterflies Trying to Escape Their Shadow - Peter Callessen, 2005

be not
proud,
my foes:

all is
not yet
lost!

i can
still
fly
free
from your
lies,
your dark
mumblings,
every
single
curse
you've
uttered
against
me.

be not
proud
of
yourselves
for you
are as
nothing,
are as
rubbish,
are as
dross:

you malign
that which
you
understand
not;
you scoff
at that
which you
fear,
which you
dread,
which you
know
will mean
your
end.

be not
proud,
my foes:

death
will have
her last
laugh
yet...

and you
will weep,
will moan,
will mourn,
and curse
the day
you
were
born.

when that
day comes:

good riddance
and get
thee
gone.

13 September 2010

Grief and Circumstance


Artwork: Annie Duels the Sun - Angie Wang, 2010

i weep:

my heart bleeds
sore
within
and i know
not
what to
do

for all
are against
me,
none stand
for me;

my world
is fallen,
is black,
is bleak,

and i
am too
spent
for any
struggle

my heart
is weary
and all
i want
to do
is die.

06 September 2010

730 Days and Then Some


Artwork: The Second Look - Carin Welz-Stein, date unknown

i wrote
you off
when we
first met:

you were
a child
fresh from
school;
a pest
who plagued
and pestered
and drove
me mad
for a
fortnight.

and yet
when once
again
our paths
crossed:

you seemed
to come
alive
at the
sound
of my
name.

when we
next met,
things took
a turn:

it's been
two years
and then
some -

and you
still plague
and pester
and drive
me mad...

but
in a
good
way;
a very
good
way.

27 August 2010

W2


Artwork: Boy in Static - Audrey Kawasaki, 2010

i look outside
into the bleak
the cold
the grey
the wet
world
below
and
sigh

and think
and wonder
and look
back
on a
sunny
warm
may
day:

how i
wanted
to say
something
other than
the
technobabble
gobbledegook
we were
conversing
in,

how i
wanted
to speak
of hope,
of life,
of faith
and then
some...

but i...
am a
coward
and i
spoke
not.

and i
regret
my silence
every second
minute
hour
day
that has
passed

and i
look out
at the
cold
world
below...

and wish
it was
may
and wish
you were
here
and i
could say
what i
want
need
wish
to
say.

24 August 2010

A Time of National Crisis

Photo by AFP/Getty Images via CNN.com

Cross-posted from Sybaritic Diversions.

This post is going to look seriously out of character given the nature of this blog, but I feel the need to scream in serious frustration with everything that has happened over the past twenty-four hours.

In one fell swoop, a single madman made history by destroying the Philippines' reputation across the globe. Through the deaths of several hostages yesterday, this lawkeeper turned lawbreaker has thrown a wrench into the new administration's plan of making positive changes.

And who will end up - who are currently - suffering because of his stupidity, his misplaced yearning to return to the police force? Us - the Filipino people.

My heart grieves for our domestic helpers, factory workers, and tutors working in Hong Kong. I fear for their lives, knowing well the potential for violent retaliation inherent in the situation. Because of one man's madness, their lives are now in danger.

My blood seethes with anger at how this incident will have a seriously negative impact on tourism and commerce.

I want to know why our authorities did not move faster. In their desire to be cautious given that the culprit was an experienced policeman, they overdid it and this caused the needless loss of lives.

I want to know why the media swarmed the crime scene like so many maggots over a rotting carcass. Don't these newshounds have any sense of decorum or propriety whatsoever?

I want to know why the police didn't cordon off the area ASAP. As a result, bystanders came flocking in out of curiosity. What if there was a bomb in that bus? What if the hostage-taker wasn't dead and decided to set it off, taking more lives in the process?

This whole fiasco is a horrible black mark against the Philippine National Police, but the Hong Kong government has taken things to the extreme by declaring the Philippines as unsafe ground, calling home its nationals, and pretty much painting a gory portrait of our country as an ongoing bloodbath run by idiots and nutcases.

This is no time for us to just sit still, twiddle our thumbs, and do nothing.

The gauntlet has been cast.

I pray and hope that this incident will not lead to just finger-pointing, a whole new blame game on top of the one that has been playing out for years.

I pray and hope that this bloody incident will galvanize the Filipino people, that it will unite us in the common cause of washing away this bloody stain, this slur upon our identity as a people, as a nation.


19 July 2010

Truffles and the Measure of Devotion

Cross-posted from my food blog:

A little over a week ago, I found myself in the kitchen melting down Ivory Coast and Indonesian single origin chocolates with some rum and cream while thinking about various events that have punctuated the last couple of years. While stirring the fragrant, creamy mass, I thought about the "friend" (whose status in my life has now been reduced to "acquaintance") who told me to forget all about a certain someone because she believed that he had no place in my life. She said I deserved better. She said he was just a kid and all I'd get from him in the long run was aggravation.

But I'm a stubborn bit of baggage. I know what I want in life. I know what - and who - I don't want in life. And I know who I love, who I care about, who I get my inspiration from.

And it sure wasn't that "friend" who told me off - then made matters worse by blabbing my feelings to her best friend. They both considered me weird for caring about a boy whom they thought silly and childish and not worth considering seriously.

Well - and I rarely every say this - to hell with them both! Both of them may be married, but I doubt if they know what devotion and inspiration look like.

But going back to the pot of chocolate and cream that was slowly transforming into a gorgeously unctuous ganache, I thought about the boy who has inspired me to return to writing poetry, the one who has driven me to take stock of my life and make changes that - so far - have proven to be the right ones.

Mr. W - the adorable Mr. W of posts past - is one guy who I think is truly underrated, even underestimated by the people around him. All people seem to see is a tall, pale-skinned, somewhat gangly young man. I, on the other hand, see a diamond in the rough. Of course, people tell me that I'm being fanciful, but that's my opinion; everyone else can shut up and get lost, for all I care.

As I poured the finished ganache into a container for chilling, I considered the ingredients I used for it. Ivory Coast is the most commonly used chocolate for commercial bars and the taste is classically chocolatey but not at all that remarkable. Indonesian chocolate, on the other hand, is considered inferior and bland. However, it's amazing what the application of heat and the mixing in of rich rum and pure cream can do to these chocolates. My ganache was rich, fragrant, full-bodied; the flavors nuttily bold yet gloriously smooth.

Later on, once the ganache was chilled till solid, I took out my tub of ground almonds, rolling lumps of the frozen chocolate paste in it to make truffles that seem to have played in a snowdrift. Those of you who are connected to me via Facebook know that I named these little treats Truffle W - after the young man whose merest acquaintance actually brought back a spark in my life that I thought long extinguished by so many disappointments: the spark of creativity, of inspiration.

I sank my teeth into a truffle and marveled at its contradictions. Rich, but not too cloying; crisp almond balancing almost chewy chocolate. A smooth, dark bitterness balanced by a nutty sweetness.

I savored my truffles and thought about the man I named them after - and smiled, and wished I could actually share them with him.


16 July 2010

Heartstring


Artwork: Plucked - Audrey Kawasaki, 2010

i want
to play
with your
heartstrings:

stretch,
twist,
test the
limits,
pluck like
those on
a lyre,
play them
like a
violin -

play myself
a fugue -
no, dirge -
no, ballad -
no, torch
song - -
no:
play myself
a bride's-march

or, worse:
stretch them
like the
string on
a bow -
suddenly
releasing,
unleashing
every
single
emotion
you fear,
you hide,
you dread;
stretch them
till they
break
and let
you
feel
the pain
you put
me
through
every
single
waking
moment.

but that
would be
too cruel...

better for us
to play
these strings;
hearts
in
concert,
in
harmony
at
last.

08 July 2010

To Put Down Roots


Artwork: Passage for Lost Clouds #0176 - Ken Wong, 13 January 2004

to stop
running,
to pause
mid-stride,
to take
a break
and smell
the
roses
blooming
before
they
wither:

to hold
one's tongue,
to cover
one's mouth,
to have
a finger
pressed
upon
your lips
to silence
the rampaging
thoughts,
the cutting
words:

to put
down roots,
to quiet
down,
to settle
down
in
domesticity
in the
midst
of
modernity,
progress
marching
on and on and on:

to put
away pen,
to shelve
away paper,
to don
one's apron,
to minister
to the
needs
of a
loving
spouse...

i seek,
i yearn,
i sigh...

i wish.

06 July 2010

W

Artwork: Blue - Audrey Kawasaki, 2009

i want
to be
there
to wipe
away
the tears
you shed
in your
silent
hours,
your hours
spent
alone -

away
from them,
from them
all:
those who
smile
in public
but sneer
in private
behind your
back
against the
walls
scribblers
of
insults and
whatnot -

those
scamsters
who claim
your
friendship.

i want
to hold
your hand
in the
best,
the worst,
the most
of times,
hours, days,
weeks, months,
years -
forever
and then
some.

the earth
has
journeyed
thrice
and more
since that
day -
that day
you
ingrained
yourself
into my
mind.

i
no
longer
care
what
frenemies
may say,
scream,
rant
and wail:

i don't care
if you
turn away
so long
as i
know
for a
fact
this
admiration,
infatuation,
inspiration...

is
purely,
simply,
sincerely
love.

01 June 2010

No Regrets, No Barriers, No Kidding


Artwork: Hamlet and Ophelia - Andrej Dugin, year unknown

i despise:
the naysayers,
the ones
who claim
that what
i want
will come
to naught...

the ones
who say
i can
do better-

but how
do you
define
better - ?

better for whom?
for me?
for them?
humanity
in general?

who
are they
to say
what i
want,
what i
need?!

drop dead,
fall flat,
leave me
be,
you wretches,
you tiresome,
worthless,
dark-mongering,
night-spewing
hags!

i tread
my own
path,
i dance
my own
measure.

i chose,
i decided,
i abide
by what
i want,
i need,
i desire.

drop dead,
fall flat,
and
leave
me
be.

26 May 2010

Pause


Artwork: Medusa's Corner - Eugene Berman, 1943

i stop
in my
tracks
and say
a
prayer
that
i
may be
saved
from all
the
trouble,
the grief,
this tragedy
this life.

i stop
and
wonder
to
myself:
who am i,
what am i
doing here,
where do
i go
from here,
how
do i
get there,
when
does it
all
end?

04 May 2010

Gilbert